I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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