Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
