i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
