thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
