dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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