I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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