dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
