Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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