Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
