My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
