D3 body, D1 cock
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
