How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize