I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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