So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
God, I missed his penis.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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