I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize