i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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