I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
