So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
