I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
