You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Enjoy the penises
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
