waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
