Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
