having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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