i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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