I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
