The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
