??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
