? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
