I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
