I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
