The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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