the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
