did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
