When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
