The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
