he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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