There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
