I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
