i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
