I am in a vortex of obligation.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
