My balls are so social today.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
