i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Panties = found
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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