what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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