Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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