i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
