I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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