We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
