i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
