you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
