She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize