apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
