I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
