my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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