Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
