from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
