The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
