I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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