Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
