Fine. I'll sleep in my office
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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