So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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