so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize