In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
