The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
