i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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