Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
