shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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