I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
