bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
