He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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