her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
