thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
