I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
