Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
